Have you ever had someone tell you what they think they “know” about disabilities, but you can tell they’re just guessing? It happens more often than you might think. People love to cherry-pick bits and pieces of information they’ve heard somewhere—maybe from TV, a random article, or even just assumptions they’ve made—and present them as facts. But let’s be real: most of the time, they’re way off the mark.
Here’s the thing about living with a disability: everyone has an opinion, but not everyone has the facts. And when people talk like they know what’s going on without taking the time to ask or learn, it can make things harder for those of us actually living with it.
The Guessing Game
Have you ever been in a situation where someone says something like, “Oh, you have epilepsy? So, you can’t use your phone, right? Doesn’t the light trigger seizures?” And you’re left standing there, thinking, “What on earth are they talking about?“
The truth is, some people with epilepsy are photosensitive and have seizures triggered by flashing lights. But that’s not everyone. For me, seizures have never been about strobe lights or flickering screens—it’s a completely different story. But because someone somewhere heard this one fact about epilepsy, they assume it applies to everyone.
This is what I call cherry-picking opinions. People grab a tiny piece of the puzzle, slap it onto the whole picture, and think they’ve figured it all out. But disabilities are complex. They don’t fit into neat little boxes, and they certainly can’t be summed up by someone’s half-informed guess.
The Problem with Assumptions
When people make assumptions about disabilities, they often miss the bigger picture. Worse, these assumptions can be hurtful. For example, I’ve heard people say things like:
- “You’re too young to have epilepsy; isn’t that something older people get?”
- “If you’re out and about, you must not have it too bad.”
- “Well, at least it’s not that serious.”
These kinds of comments come from a place of ignorance, not malice. But they still hurt. They minimize what we go through and make us feel like we have to justify our experiences. It’s exhausting, especially when you’re already managing the challenges of living with a disability.
Why It’s Okay Not to Know
Here’s the kicker: it’s okay not to know everything about disabilities. No one expects you to be an expert on someone else’s life. But there’s a big difference between admitting you don’t know and pretending you do.
If you’re curious about someone’s experience, ask questions. Most of us are happy to share what we’re comfortable with—on our terms. A little humility and genuine interest go a long way.
Changing the Conversation
We need to shift the way people think about disabilities. It’s not about pity or assumptions; it’s about understanding and respect. Start by asking yourself:
- Am I making assumptions about someone’s disability based on what I’ve heard or seen in passing?
- Have I taken the time to ask questions and listen to their experience?
- Do I understand that disabilities vary widely, even within the same diagnosis?
When we approach conversations with curiosity instead of judgment, we create a space where people feel safe to share their stories. And trust me, those stories can teach you a lot more than any assumption ever will.
My Experience with Cherry-Picked Opinions
Living with epilepsy, I’ve heard it all—some of it laughable, some of it frustrating. I remember one time someone asked, “Have you tried yoga? I heard it cures seizures.” While I appreciate that they were trying to be helpful, it’s not that simple. If yoga cured epilepsy, do you think I’d still be dealing with this?
Another time, someone said, “Well, you seem fine now. You must be over it.” Let me tell you, epilepsy doesn’t work like that. Just because you don’t see someone having a seizure in front of you doesn’t mean they aren’t dealing with the aftermath or the fear of when the next one might strike.
It’s these kinds of comments that remind me why it’s so important to talk openly about what living with a disability is really like. The more we share, the less room there is for misinformation.
Let’s Get Real
If you’re someone who tends to guess or make assumptions, don’t feel bad—it’s a habit most people don’t even realize they have. But it’s never too late to change. Start by being honest about what you don’t know. It’s okay to say, “I’m not sure what epilepsy is like for you. Can you tell me more?”
And if you’re someone living with a disability, don’t feel obligated to educate everyone all the time. It’s not your job to fix other people’s misunderstandings. Share what you want, when you want, and set boundaries when you need to.
At the end of the day, we all have a role to play in breaking down stereotypes and building a more inclusive world. It starts with admitting that cherry-picked opinions don’t tell the whole story—and being willing to listen to the stories that do.
So, let’s leave the guessing behind and start having real conversations. Because when we do, everyone wins.
